We (meaning me) had a FANTASTIC time at the Batistas ringing in the New Year with some good music and a little booty shakin'. Seriously though, I loved dancing to all the old skool songs. Wish my hubby had been up for it, but he's not really in to the whole "dancing" thing. And when you throw on some hip-hop, he just stands there like, "you must be joking". Also, Mr. Cranky Pants (Aaron), had to go home early to go to bed. Thankfully, Kelsey was able to watch him for us. Kate had 4 other little girls to play with...and she got a party hat and a horn! She was happy!
So, I was thinking about 2009 and what I wanted out of this year. Actually, what I wanted out of me. And...just bein' real...there are lots of things that I wish I could change about myself.
- I want to break free from the grip that fear has on me. It's amazing how anxious I can feel about life. It's painful to look back on a period of your life and say, "wow...if I hadn't wasted all that time being afraid". Not a pretty side of me, but it's there.
- I want to learn how to be more disciplined. I feel like I am a lazy creature. Whether by nature or by habit...doesn't matter, I have a hard time sticking to something. A diet. Date nights. Bible study. Exercise. Housework.
- I want to be a nicer, kinder version of me. There are times when I feel like "getting older" equates to becoming more cynical...bitter even. I may not show it on the outside, but I'm definitely thinking it on the inside. When did I become this person? And why do I continually hurt the ones I love the most?
- I want to have more faith in God. Maybe part of my cynicism comes from the realization that life can be tragically cruel. I have witnessed so much hurt...suffering...loss. And yet I know that there is a God out there who loves me and cares for me...for everyone. I struggle with the constant doubting...if God loves this person, how can He allow this? I want to trust Him completely. Why is this so hard for me?
"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."
-2 Corinthians 4: 16-18, The Message
7 comments:
You are not alone - I would say most of us would agree we'd like to make similar changes about ourselves. Take it day by day, even hour by hour... baby steps! Here's to a renewal of us all in 2009!!
Girl...I am praying for you! Thank you so much for our talk yesterday...you may not know this but you do inspire me! You encourage me and are my little cheerleader! I will continue to pray for you and even call you on ho-hum days! Love you girl!
Your honesty is both refreshing and encouraging to me. I think I agree with you on almost all those points, relating to myself. Thankfully we are saved, forgiven, and allowed a fresh start each day. Praying for you! Lets get together soon! I miss hanging out.
Love ya! :)
I need to dig it out and dust off my Message and get to some reading.... I thought for a second that I was reading something I had written but didn't remember writing. I will be there right there with you!
Wow, jen that is touching. Please know that I am here for you when you need a friend, babysitter, chit-chatter, or just another annoyance running around your house... I'll be there. Although I am busy NEVER think that i don't still love all of you deeply. sorry about tomorrow. I was planning on visiting you guys then anyway since I haven't seen you in (feels like) a while. Love ya!
Happy New Year a little late.
Thanks for being so real and truthful. We all have those "areas" in our life!
I hope your 2009 is a year full of peace and joy.
Thanks for sharing.
Suzanne
i love your little New Years montage - how did you do it?
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